The title is always the hardest part...

Giving is not only hard to do, but even more challenging to teach; and when the giving is to get something in return...is this truly unselfish?  Maybe it depends on what you're after--altruism is in the heart of the bestow-er?  This pattern of reciprocation is evident in my relationship with our three children--from the blatantly obvious deal-making to the more subtle emotional give and take....a hug and kiss from a two year old girl is enough to soften even the stoniest of grumpy dads.  I find that as I readily give (not necessarily from the wallet or candy jar, but also of my time and attention during repeated requests for "Dad, watch me!")--I mean, if they don't have to fight for my attention, I less often have to fight for theirs.  "Why me" or "I didn't make this mess" is replaced by Cooper with a resounding "you betcha', Dad!", or Aaron's favorite "Okey dokey, artichokey", or Annie's simple, sweet "Sure, Daddy".  The more I treat my children like adults, the more they treat me like one.  Haha.
Now, I have crossed the line once or twice, because soon my expectations will start to exceed any behaviour that should reasonably be expected from children seven and under.  This load is often shouldered by the oldest because, well, he's been around long enough to function independently and contribute just as much as the adults in the family....right?  Come on, it's not like he's still potty training--why doesn't he make breakfast for us on Sunday or at least get the kids ready for church??  So I have to be careful, because sometimes in my efforts to treat them as grown-ups, or at least growner-ups, I put too much pressure on their inexperienced shoulders. Add to that my frustration when my explicit instructions are not followed, and now I'm that much further away from the loving reciprocity which was and is my perpetual goal.
It has been far easier for me to divert my simmering frustration than to repair damage done by waiting for it to boil over...and I have surprisingly been able to do this by something as simple as making up a forgotten bed or masterminding a surprise movie night.  See, when I do something for my children with the same attitude that I have when planning a date or following the correct laundry rotation parameters (I'm working on it, honey) in order to surprise their mother (you know, the attitude that I like to call the "Christmas Eve Effect," when you almost vibrate in anticipation of the look on their faces)--when I can carry any part of that excitement into re-re-re-folding clean clothes from under the bed, or surprising them with a treat after school, the love I have for them grows, leaving no room in my heart or mind for anything else.
And hugs.  Never underestimate the sublime power of those short little arms in the right configuration..."Make it squeezy, Daddy."